22 December 2011

Procrastibaking In Practise

There is no escaping it - Christmas is approaching. Okay, I'll admit, it's not even approaching anymore - it's here!!! In just a few short days, the superstar of the holidays, the diva, is upon us. With all its stress, commercialism, tacky decorations, stressed out housewives and sugar-high children.

I find, though, that it is important to remember that there is a reason Christmas is the diva. There are some redeeming factors. Family gatherings, great food, the joy of - not just receiving, but - giving. Christmas is all about traditions, and it's important to find your own; traditions you are happy with, traditions that don't just stress you out, but also ensure that you can enjoy this time of year.

One such tradition, to me, is baking. Unfortunately, this year I won't have the time to do much of that. Thus, instead I will share with you a great recipe I've come across, so that maybe you can enjoy it, even if I can't:

Fruitcake recipe


1 cup water 
1 cup sugar 
4 large eggs 
2 cup dried fruit 
1 teaspoon baking soda 
1 teaspoon salt 
1 cup brown sugar 
lemon juice 
1 gallon whiskey 

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.

Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality.

Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares. Check the whiskey.

Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again.

Go to bed. Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway?

(Borrowed from http://homecooking.about.com/library/archive/bljoke1.htm)

Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays/Whatever Greeting Makes You Feel The Least Offended!


Shaharizan Perez said...

Hilarious post Mari! I don't like fruitcake but I may just keep trying the whiskey. :::D

Jan Morrison said...

I'm with her...skip the fruit and get right to drinking! Thanks for this fun post...

Michael Offutt, Phantom Reader said...

I hate the taste of fruitcake.