Marathon Monday... Massacre?!?!

Most years I go out on Patriot's Day to cheer on the runners.  I like the halfway point - 13.1 miles down, and oh-my-god-I-have-this-much-still-to-go? can be a rough place, so what the hell, I go out and hop up and down and cheer them on.  It's hard, running.

But with the earlier start time the past few years, and a later work time for me, and just getting over a fever, well, I went home after work today instead.  Figured I'd check for the results after I'd had some lunch. 

But around 3:00, a strange post popped up on my Facebook newsfeed.  "[Boyfriend] and I are fine," it said.  "Nowhere near the blast."  Blast? I thought.  What blast?  Then another one, from a friend who moved to NYC a few years ago but grew up here in Beantown.  "BOSTON, CHECK IN!" read this one.

So I did what any sensible TV-less person would do and popped up a couple of local news sites on my laptop.  Holy hell, did I regret that decision a few moments later.  Bombs, blood and Boylston may be euphonious in their alliteration but they are NOT a happy combination of words.  I quickly posted my own "I'm fine" message and started checking my own list of friends, especially runners.  No one I know was involved, to my knowledge, and yet this is MY CITY, damnit, you don't go BLOWING UP RUNNERS, or LITTLE KIDS, and you sure as hell don't do it in front of the BOSTON PUBLIC LIBRARY!!!

Angry much?  Oh yes, I'm angry.  This weird holiday that we celebrate here in Massachusetts, this whole Patriot's Day - Lexington and Concord, anyone?  The Boston Marathon is the oldest in the world - the first one was run in 1897, a year after the first modern marathon was held at the first Olympics in Athens - and you can't just sign up, you have to qualify for this thing.  Inasmuch as this young country HAS history, well, this is it. And to the scumbag(s) who thought they'd blow some stuff up today, I have devised a lovely punishment for you.

All those runners who were forced to abandon the race after the detonations?  The ones who'd been training for months and running for hours and didn't get to cross the finish line because of YOU?  Well, when you're caught, all those runners should be allowed to complete the distance they were denied.  Over your body.  Wearing cleats.

This is Boston.  We're not going to put up with this bullshit.

All was not gloom and horror today, though.  On a personal level, it was rather reassuring to receive numerous texts, calls and messages from people wanting to find out if I was okay.  And my 22-month-old nephew popped out his first sentence today (it was "Daddy, sit down" if you care - closely followed by "Auntie, get down" {yeah, all right, I was up a tree}).  The sheer number of people volunteering to put up runners and family members displaced or stuck here due to the chaos.  The outpouring of support from the rest of the world (even Yankees fans!  You know it's big if they're on board).

But Marathon Monday will never be the same.

Here it comes...

Okay, I admit it - in trying to choose a topic for today's post, I've stumbled across far too many of them and don't feel like picking one.  I could go with the three-ring circus that the US election season has spawned, but the whole thing just gets on my nerves.  Life sentence for Amy Bishop, the prof who opened fire at a faculty meeting and, y'know, possibly also murdered her brother when she was a teenager (that's local, even).  But that one disgusts me.  Nepali earthquake?  That's pretty scary, I've got Nepali friends, but they're all over here in the states, so no personal stake there.

But there is one thing happening this week that I can say with reasonable confidence will actually be of interest to my fellow Burrowers (as well as millions of other readers around the globe).  And that's the highly-anticipated release of J. K. Rowling's first adult publication coming up on Thursday.

I am massively looking forward to this, I will readily admit it.  I read like a maniac anyway, and, since my teaching day has been cancelled this Thursday due to a school open house using my room, the plan is to get my arse home from the bookstore after my shift and devour it in one enormous gulp.  I'm not expecting the Second Coming (of Harry Potter, I mean, not that whole religious mess) or anything, but I'm very curious to see how she follows up such a generation-defining series.  I've been a hardcore Potterhead for about 13 years now (hell, I'm listening to Stephen Fry's narration of Goblet of Fire right now); this was the door that got me back to the fantasy authors that I'd loved as a kid and led me to discover dozens of new ones.  So even if by some weird twist of fate it sucks, it'll still be money well spent as far as I'm concerned.  I don't care how much money she already has, the amount of enjoyment I've gotten from her work over the years is surely far more than I've paid for it.

Besides, she gives lots of money to MS research.  So she's awesome.

Now, nobody bug me on Thursday!

Summer vacation is less fun as an adult

I know, way to start out with a downer, right?  But as someone who teaches children for the main portion of my income, when the routines of school end and parents whisk their offspring away to camps and vacations and who knows what, my existence becomes slightly precarious.  On the plus side, this leaves me lots more time to do things that I only rarely get a chance to when I'm in full-swing two-job mode, like go running regularly, read two or three books in one day, and cook up a storm (you know the kind I mean - the one where by the end of it if there are any clean pots left in the kitchen it's because you couldn't find them).

But unlike when I was a kid and my parents paid the bills and my summer job was, if anything, busking (which, granted, pulls in wads of tax-free cash on a good day, plus it got me practicing), I have dependents now - furry four-legged ones, but still - who don't care if I only worked 25 hours this week, they both need food and one needs medicine (Rullie turned 14 on Saturday!  This is pretty damned fantastic, since I wasn't at all sure she'd make it when she started going downhill in February, but she's doing really well so far and that makes me happy).

I have responsibilities to my roommates, too - I have to hold up my end on the rent, and most of the bills are in my name, so I have to pay them first and then the girls pay me back, plus keeping the cleaning under a reasonable amount of control and making sure I pull my weight in that department.

Also, I don't get to go to camp anymore.  I was one of those weird nerdy kids who went to science camp (well, not "camp" exactly, it was more like voluntary summer school with a lot of field trips; lasted about an hour and a half every weekday for 6 weeks) when I was little; when my career aspirations changed irrevocably from paleontology to music, I started going to music camp instead.  And in case you were wondering, yeah, string quartet camp is way geekier than band camp, but if the shenanigans conjured up by that phrase were going on at any of the ones I went to, I missed them while I was practicing.

The beach isn't as much fun as it used to be, either.  Mostly because of body image issues (I know I'm in better shape than 90% of the country; that doesn't help), but also because I may be a brunette but I burn like a redhead and there is just not as much ozone out there as there used to be - and I get kinda spacey when I'm lying around reading a book and I don't always remember to reapply my 100+ every hour, and last summer I got COOKED.  I still have the lines.

So lest this whole post be a Debbie Downer wail, I'm trying to focus on the good parts - I still fit into my summer wardrobe, so yay, didn't get fat over the winter!  More time to read - excellent!  Cooking promises to be a lot more fun this summer, too, as I'm actually growing a few of my own ingredients - erm, as long as I don't kill them before they're ready to eat.  Getting a jumpstart on holiday gift knitting would be a good idea - I owe one of my pseudonephews an Aran sweater, and that'll take a while even if he's only 2 in August.  Oh, and I'm writing again - as of right now, I'm closing in on 40K in BuNoWriMo-land, and I'm hopeful that with the blockage cleared I may actually get some serious writing done this summer.

So, okay.  It's still not as fun as when I was a kid, but I'm going to have a good time anyway, damnit!

Topical Tuesday: BuNoWriMo, Books, Birthdays and Buffoonery

BuNoWriMo

Well, for the first time, I joined BuNoWriMO and actually am writing.  For those who don't know what BuNoWriMo is, here is a short synopsis- Writers, 50,000 words (or 25, 000), 30 days in June.  Similar to the NaNoWriMo in November.

This is monumentous for me as I have not written anything of any significance in the last two years.  I want to thank all of the writers that are currently participating and all the support (cheerleaders) in Writing Sprints R Us!  You have all really helped me to be accountable and remain consistent.  :D

Birthdays 

"He want that cake, cake, cake, cake, cake  . . . You want to put your name on it. . . " - Rihanna's "Birthday Cake"

I had a lovely pre-birthday date with my hubby this past weekend.  We ate a great restaurant in Brooklyn called Fette Sau.  Yes that means "Fat Pig."  It was a great BBQ meal of beef brisquet, pulled pork, with delicious sides like German potato salad, homemade pickles and sauerkraut.  Afterwards, we went to the movies and saw Snow White and The Huntsman.  Good film!  This may sound a bit boring to some people but was perfect for me.  I cannot remember the last time I went to the movies.  I think it was Smurfs 3D with the kiddies.  :D

However, this birthday is a bit difficult for me.  I have just turned 39 years old.  Next year, I will be 40.  I thought I would have accomplished so much by now but things just kept getting in the way.  I decided that I may want to do something different in the future.  I love teaching high school students but I need to move on.  It's been 13 years since I began this pedagogical journey and I want to do more educational administrative "stuff."  Maybe I'll teach at the university level rather than the secondary level.  Not sure but- I will figure it out by the summer's end.  :/

Books!

 I am currently reading Alyse Carlson's The Azalea Assault.  We at the Burrow know her as Hart Johnson.  My daughter is also reading the book and is loving it!  The book is suspenseful and well-written.  Cam Harris is charismatic, deeply thoughtful and a bit of a busybody.  I love the character development and the quick pace of the novel.  It's crazy but I still don't know who did it!  ;)

Hart put so much work into her first novel and is currently working on other projects.  Her dedication and perseverance are qualities that will guarantee her success!  I can't wait to read the others.  :D

For those who love cozy mysteries, definitely get your hands on The Azalea Assault.

Buffoonery

It is the end of the year and it is crazy at the schoolhouse.  Things still to do: grades, paperwork, final grades, paperwork, proctor state exams, paperwork, report cards, paperwork, pack up office, and did I mention paperwork.  I tell you, it never really ends, does it?

It's time to say good bye to my seniors as they commence in their journeys of higher educational facilities, the world of work and/ or the armed forces.  I will miss them dearly.  Congratulations to the Class of 2012!

*That includes my son Justin, soon to be SUNY Delhi college student!*

Love you much and don't forget me!



Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons:  Birthday Cake, The Three Stooges.
Image courtesy of BuNoWriMo: Writing ALot
Image courtesy of Amazon.com: The Azalea Assault

Hooray, Hooray...

... the 8th of May!  Tami would kill me if I posted about anything else today, so here it is, your rundown of today's obscure holiday.  Hey, if we can have Star Wars Day ("May the Fourth {be with you}!) and of course Cinco de Mayo, what other day could possibly round off this week except - you ready for this one?

National Outdoor Intercourse Day!

I kid you not.

Those goofballs in Tami's town started it, apparently (I know, who'd have thought such a thing originated in a NORTHERN state?  I mean, it gets COLD up there, even in May!  But whatever...), though I hear there are some over in Jason's that say it was their idea.  But WHOEVER started it, it's definitely an amusing addition to those other early-May holidays, especially since we don't get a "real" (as in, government-sanctioned, which, come to think of it, generally does NOT mean it's a hell of a lot of fun {okay, okay, except for the 4th of July, but when you think about it, that was rebelling against a DIFFERENT government [and of course you get to blow stuff up, which is the best part ]}) one till Memorial Day, which is probably how all these extra ones got shoved in here anyway.

So this is the day where you grab your partner of choice and head outside to have a grand ol' time and try not to get arrested for indecent exposure or any of those annoying mood-killers.  At least, those of you who have partners (I don't think it counts if you're flying solo).

And since this is Topical Tuesday, I suppose I should mention some other bits (hah!) of news, like, I dunno, French or Russian elections, or the Avengers' massive first-weekend box office, or baby pills (!!!!!!), buuuuuuuuuuuut those are giant mood-killers too (except maybe the Avengers one {if you like that kind of thing [I'm doing it again with the parentheses, I really need to knock that off, sorry]}) so I'll leave those in the apophasis category and let y'all get on with having a good time, okay?

Hello?

You all went outside already, didn't you?

We will never forget, but I don't want to understand

Last Monday I changed the mode on my alarm clock from "radio" to "bird chitter".

During the course of the morning I unfollowed on Facebook every source that used to update me on breaking news.

When I walked to work, I deliberately looked away from the newspaper stands outside of the shops I passed.

All of these actions were grounded in the same basic motivation: enough is enough.

Though in reality, it isn't enough. It's just getting started.


It seems we've become a country of reluctant news junkies here in Norway. It's been nine months, but the memories of the horrors of the events on the 22nd of July last year are as strong as ever. We've been through stages of shock, sorrow and anger, and now it is - perhaps - the time for comprehension. At least I think that is the reason why even those of us who rather would close our eyes to the whole thing still feel obliged to pay some attention to the circus that started last week: the trial.

It's absurd, of course, to even try to comprehend the - in lack of a better word - evil that lies behind the killing of 77 people in two coordinated attacks. One bomb. Several hundred gun shots.

I'm not sure, though, that it is beneficial to comprehend too much. It lies in our nature, perhaps, to try to figure things out, to understand, to explain. But in reality, I don't want to have to spend my time or energy on this man. I don't even want to hate him - what purpose would that serve? Reading about what he says or has written makes me feel ill. His picture too. That face I don't even want to know, but which has been etched in so that I will never forget the pudgy, pale, wax-like skin; the narrow, close-set eyes; the much-talked-about post-surgery nose.  The other day I made the mistake of watching a video clip of him to hear his voice - and I found myself thinking it was feminine and cold and disgusting. Objectively speaking, I am sure he looks and sounds no worse than the next guy, but I cannot be objective. And it bothers me, immensely, that I don't want to be. I want to feel physically ill from looking at him or hearing his voice, and consequently, I am letting him affect me more than he deserves.

The focus on him - the terrorist whose name I don't even want to say or write - annoys me. Obviously it's difficult to avoid, the attack having been a one-man-job. I get how this character fascinates people. The combination of a delusional self-image and extremist political ideas, plus the will and ability to go through with his [insert ten minutes worth of thoughts to try to come up with an adjective that accurately describes this. "Gruesome", "cold-blooded" or "morbid" didn't quite do the trick] plan. As a mental case, he is doubtlessly interesting. But I'm not a psychiatrist. I'm a regular person wondering whether it's really necessary to spend so much time, ink and words on a man who already hurt us all so much.

Ironically, here I am spending both time, words and the electronic equivalent of ink on him.

In reality, though, what ought to be the focus isn't him, or his wacked ideology. Rather, his actions should be. He will be prosecuted for what he did, not what he believes in. It seems the media forgot this detail.

I have faith in the system. I trust that the court will pass a fair judgment, under the available laws. I trust that this will mean that he will never again set his foot outside a prison as a free man. And that will be that. Until then, I don't need the details. I don't want to spend more time than necessary on this. I don't want to give him that.

Topical Tuesday: Taking Students to DC

Tomorrow, my school will be taking the junior class, 11th graders, to Washington D. C.  I am one of the chaperons, may the universe help me!  I will be gone from Wednesday morning to Friday evening.  Not really sure about the hotel accommodations but last year, they stayed at the Comfort Inn.  I know that I will not bring a bathing suit and I will not be swimming with the students!  It will be nice to see them in a setting outside of school.  


Have I mentioned that I have not packed nor do I have any travel supplies ready?  I should probably do that, huh?


 We are taking the students on a tour of various colleges in the DC area.  I believe we will be going to George Washington University, Howard University, Lincoln University and two or three different Institutes that focus on vocational trades.  We'll also get to tour the National Mall.  I'm excited as I have never been to DC and want to see the Smithsonian.  

I have mixed feelings about this trip.  I do want the students to get a good idea of college life and all of the possibilities their future can hold.  However, some students who are behavior problems are attending the trip and I really don't feel that they should attend.  Misbehavior in school is indicative of misbehavior in public.  *feeling conflicted*


Well, wish me luck!  I promise to take plenty of photos and post on my next blog post!


First image taken from Wikimedia Commons.
Second image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

Tornado Season Shows Up Uninvited

So on this topical Tuesday, I thought about getting into the War on Women and why the GOP has the rest of the world mocking us. I considered delving into the ABNA cut-offs, as I find out today if I go on... but as I don't KNOW yet (as of this writing) that is what would be classified as non-news. Really, though, the biggest excitement (and by excitement, I mean mortal peril) I have encountered is the Bloody TORNADO that touched down about ten miles from home.

Just 10 miles from home...

Now some of you who live in tornado alley think 'big whoop' ten miles, zen smiles. Nice and safely distant. But in the twelve years we've lived in Michigan, this is the closest to home one has hit. I suppose over those twelve years we have AVERAGED one tornado a year that needs to be taken seriously. Averages being what they are, this means a few some years, none others. But this is by FAR the earliest I've seen one. (in fact in Michigan history there have only been 4 this strong in March)

And the fact Michigan had THREE tornadoes that day... though the one in Dexter was the strongest: an EF3 which means winds swirling at between 130 and 160 mph (ours was reported at 140). There was an EF2 to the north (110 mph) and an EF0 a little south (90 mph)

I have heard about big ones in Ohio, Indiana, Kentucky... This just seems like a REALLY early start for these tornadoes!


Normally I am a huge fan of big weather. But when I say that, I mean thunderstorms, blizzards (when I am safely at home). Big wind isn't really my thing, and especially not as powerful as all this.

Just look at that. Walls gone. Washers still there.

So QUESTION. Why don't they NAME these things?

The one that hit in Dexter destroyed several houses. Amazingly, nobody was hurt, but the destruction of tornadoes is so strange—so concentrated that it can completely destroy what it actually hits, leaving the house next door completely untouched.

So what do you think—is this going to be a really bad season for these, or is this an early fluke and things will get back to normal soon? Don't get me wrong, I adore the early spring we are having (heck, I think this is only the third time I've ever SEEN spring in Michigan—normally winter gives spring a miss and goes right on in to summer). But I'd be content to not have another of those...

How do you feel about big weather? Any where you are?

STRESS

So I tried to think of something that would be relevant to people who, y'know, aren't me (which anyone would agree are in fact a majority in this world of ours), but I'm so stressed out that the only thing I can THINK of is stress. Wanna know why? (Well, if you don't, you can stop reading and go check out Tami's or Natasha's blogs or something...)

It's recital week for my students, for starters, which is always super-stressful. I have to make sure they're all prepared (usually the easy part), get myself prepared (slightly harder), and do all the administrative nonsense that I'm really really REALLY bad at (like scheduling a piano for rehearsal, which used to be super easy 'cause I had one in my room, but they demolished those and put a drama room in instead. Super not fair, man.) And as always, it's the most advanced students who are the least prepared, and I want them all to do well because, hell, achievement is its own reward and all that, but also, who doesn't like genuine applause? And the knowledge that you've earned it? (Also, there are cookies.)

And I've ended up with 6 shifts at the bookstore this week. Or rather, 3 shifts and I'm working 6 days (hardy har har, lemme explain that). See, we're supposed to be moving all the teen books (3 subcategories, hence 3 shifts) around so that new stuff is featured more prominently. I am totally all for this, except for one teensy problem. We don't have enough linear feet of shelving. Meaning that instead of getting to feature all the newest titles, I had to get rid of, oh, 40 or so. Which I hate doing. 'Cause I can't sell them if we send them back to the publisher. And I had a total spaz on that one today, between the whole Mondayness thing, and having to do it almost all myself (I had help for about half an hour, which was awesome), and the pressure of oops-we-were-supposed-to-do-this-ages-ago-but-the-RM-is-coming-so-NOW.

Oh, and the reason I agreed to 6 days this week? I need money (duh, who doesn't). More than usual, I mean. 'Cause my Rullie-cat is sick. She's better than she was, but she'll never be all the way better, and she's not back to normal (like there is any such thing as "normal" with a cat), though she is eating and running and jumping and snuggling (and making it VERY hard to type this post, as she's on my right arm...). Vets are expensive as hell, and when I can't even afford my own health insurance, well, no, kitties do not have health insurance (I did look into it a while back, but Rullie was already too old to qualify). I have also learned that cat-under-the-covers is maybe not all it's cracked up to be (hello, poky feet). That's my girl there on the right - that picture was taken about 5 years ago, she's lots smaller now, unfortunately. She'll be 14 in June if we can keep her going comfortably.

So. That's my pity party. And that's why stress is the only topic I could think of. Hope your week is going better than mine...

Images: #1 - no idea, it's been on my hard drive for ages
#2 - I took it myself

Yum...

Having just discovered (literally minutes ago) that I was up for this week's 'topical' post, I immediately went to Google news and had a look-see at what was currently going on in the world. Not that I'm completely ignorant of what is happening, you understand, it's just that I needed a reminder.*coughs* 

It's quite depressing reading. But then, to be fair, it usually is. It's a rare occasion indeed to find anything happy in the headlines. Amongst today's offerings were the usual weapons concern in far-flung countries, some techy news regarding Smartphones, a little more (yet again) about Whitney Houston, a few articles on the greedy Fat Cats in the banking world... like I said, nothing surprising.

It's all so very gloomy. Nothing but doom, mostly. And you know what? I don't feel like writing about doom. So instead, I am going to talk about food. Because I LOVE food, and it always makes me feel better (as the current size of my hips will attest to).

In this day and age, it's probably not something that I should admit to, but food really is one of the only things that can cheer me up sometimes. Yes, I know that I should be eating healthily, and I know that there are people in the world who don't have enough to eat at all, but I am not being unfeeling or anything, I am just admitting to a guilty pleasure.

Receiving a box of chocolates, for example, is lovely. Not that it happens to me very often, but when I get them I smile. It's the thought behind the gift that makes it matter, granted, but I can't deny that tucking into the chocolaty goodness doesn't have the feel good factor.

Sometimes it's a cream cake that will do the trick. If I am feeling a bit down in the dumps, I find that a nice cream cake will work wonders. I make sure I walk pretty fast to the bakers and back (in order to justify the extra calories), and I figure I'm good.

It doesn't have to be the naughty stuff either. I had a lazy day yesterday and decided to skip the usual Sunday shenanigans (I'm not confused, yesterday WAS Sunday, I am typing in advance) and cook something simple for our main meal (the 'cooking something simple' was made even easier when I decided to skip the cooking altogether and order a Chinese instead, which is actually still naughty, but I digress...).

Anyway, I figured I'd cook a full roast today instead. A joint of pork with roast potatoes, lots of veg, Yorkshire puddings, the whole she-bang. Mmmm, lovely. It's cold outside, rainy and dark... and a  little (like today's news) depressing. But when I eat my roast dinner, I will be a happy bunny indeed.

Sometimes it really is the simple things in life that make us smile, eh?

PS...the picture is borrowed from here. It's looks lovely and everything, but there's not nearly enough gravy for it to be my plate...

Topical Tuesday: Art

I know it is Topical Tuesday and everyone is waiting to hear about the latest in the media. This is the extent of my newsworthy abilities - I watch New York 1 News for traffic and weather in the mornings. Other than that, I don't care for news. I find the television newscasts increasingly depressing and somewhat of a brain-wash machine. However, I do read the newspaper because I can pick and choose what interests me (Science section of the New York Times), as opposed to a television broadcast, in which I am told what to believe and think. Make sense? A bit judgmental but that's how I feel about the media.

Today, I want to talk about art. Just so everyone knows - I am not an artist nor have I majored in art or art history. I just have a great appreciation for those who can draw, sculpt, create and push the boundaries of what is beautiful.

I love surrealism. According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary it is defined as "the principles, ideals, or practice of producing fantastic or incongruous imagery or effects in art, literature, film, or theater by means of unnatural or irrational juxtapositions and combinations." I love how you find little nuances of reality in these picturesque and dream-like paintings.

M. C. Escher, Relativity

When teaching tessellations to my Geometry class, my students and I stumbled upon some really great paintings from Escher. He has one with birds and fish called "Sky and Water I." It is a repetitive pattern of objects and one blends into another. Really awesome. The one above is an infinite staircase with no destination. The staircases are located in several sections of the painting and each one is a matter of perspective. For instance, the one in the middle has an individual walking up/ down the stairs from both above and beneath the staircase. Really cool!

Rene Magritte, Golconde

Magritte is another favorite of mine. He takes realistic locations, objects and people and adds a little twist to each painting. There is one called "The Portrait," and it depicts a very common table setting. However, in the middle of the plate is a piece of ham and the ham has an eye in it's center. A little creepy if you ask me but I suppose Magritte was looking for a reaction. The one above is called "Golconde." I like to call it "Raining Men" but my friends tell me that hubby will spank me if he finds out I am gawking at men falling from the sky. :P

Salvador Dali, Swans Reflecting Elephants

This one is a fairly new find for me. My friend and co-worker, P. Taylor, introduced me to Salvador Dali. His paintings are really fantastic. If you look at the photo, you see some swans swimming in the little waterhole. However, upon closer inspection, you see that the swans' reflections are elephants! In the rock face, there are subtle outlines of both animals and I'm sure if I could see an enlargement of this painting, there would be more treasures to find.

Georges-Pierre Seurat, A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte

It's vibrant, not really surrealism but truly wonderful. It's a masterpiece that insightfully conveys the subtleties of color, light and form. There is a playfulness from the pets and most individuals seem to be facing the lake. The people in the painting have faces but are obscured somewhat in the style of Monet's Waterlilies. The parasols and bustles are typical of the late 19th century fashion for women. Beautiful painting. Thanks to my friend and co-worker, R. Mills, for finding it for me!

Look familiar? Yes, it is my favorite sitcom, The Office and in this cover art shot for Season 8, the photographer mimics Seurat's Sunday Afternoon by placing the cast in the same poses as the painting. Nice!


What is your favorite artist, painting, or period in art history?


Image 1 taken from Wikimedia Commons.
Image 2 taken from Wikimedia Commons.
Image 3 taken from here.
Image 4 taken from here.
Image 5 taken from here.
Image 6 courtesy of Comics Bulletin.

Amazon Breakthrough Frenzy

Oh, sure. When we are talking about Topical Tuesday I could talk about SOPA or the Chinese New Year (which I actually did yesterday, and that was more timely), but my head is FULL of ABNA ABNA ABNA... It is just that time of year.

I know I've talked here of the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Contest and I think Tara mentioned it here a while back, but NOW IT'S OPEN! EVERYBODY PANIC!

*cough*

Yeah, sorry about that. It's just... this is the only thing I've ever done that combines the TENSION of Querying with the Adrenaline and Group support of a WriMo. It is the good and the bad of writing tension all rolled in one pretty little package. Only it isn't pretty.


But what I want to do here is a little bit of COUNTERING. I've seen some former ABNA entrants nod out this year. They site the rules and how much authors give up, and I admit, it isn't for everybody.


People I Believe should FOREGO ABNA

1 – People who have written a sure best seller. If you look at best seller charts, these are mostly thrillers and books by Jodi Piccoult. If these apply to you, this may not be your contest. Seriously though--some books are going to get nice big advances and sell millions--if you have one of these books, chances are the prizes here will not look all that great to you. James Patterson need not apply.

2 – One trick ponies with intentions to sell this and only this NOW. The contest puts you on hold with THIS WORK. If this is your ONLY work and you want to market it to publishers, you will not be able to for 6 months. That seems a very long time if you only have one book. You CAN during this time seek an agent. You can also write other books, shop other books, polish other books—heck, you can polish THIS book—the only time that isn't helpful is if they loved the earlier version so much they won't take your changes.



The things you give up are:

The right to negotiate IF YOU WIN. The contract is the contract is the contract. But you know what? They can't afford to have it not be a FAIR contract. I HAVE a Penguin contract, and I just don't believe they gain anything by screwing over a winner. AND if you win, you take that through your WHOLE career. Listen to it: “Tara's first books won the Amazon contest in 2012.” Isn't that a tag you'd love to carry forever?

[I am picking on Tara, as this is her first year entering—I finally managed to lead one of my fellow Burrowers into this addictive thing.]

TIME: As mentioned above, while you are entered, you can't shop it to publishers. If you are a finalist, Penguin gets the right to offer for 30 days and if you can't come to terms then they have the right to counter any other offer you get. (hello, bidding war)


But here are the things you GAIN:

Understanding of the PROCESS of selling a book: This system is very much like the query—you are judged first pitch, then partial, then full.

Networking: This is a truly supportive system of people (though there are places on the discussion boards that can be contentious, so beware)

Professional feedback: now this is a reward if you get past the pitch stage, but it is REALLY NICE. It is ALSO to be taken with a grain of salt, as readers are NOT matched by genre with their interests, so there is some crap shoot to it. Still, it is a good learning experience.

And if you WIN?  A HUGE marketing coup--all the support of Penguin behind you, all the marketing credentials of winning a contest this huge... It's really big. Even being a semi-finalist last year got me an agent.

So don't be afraid, my friends... Dive in!




And just for the fun of it, this is my entry this year:

Cover designed by Joris Ammerlaan

Ten-year old Peter Popescue doesn’t know his family is holding evidence that could bring down an international crime family. All he knows is his mother’s been missing for months and his dad has been teaching him and his siblings how to stay hidden. A loud crack in the night wakes him and he struggles to stay silent as he witnesses his father's execution. Worried they may be the next targets, Peter, Kade, and an emotionally fragile Tasha realize it's time to put their invisibility plan into action until they can find their mom.

In downtown Portland, Athena Garnett, a street-smart runaway, helps them defuse a gang situation that is turning ugly. Tasha takes a fondness to thirteen-year old Athena and Athena helps them gather some resources they need. They invite her to hide with them as the weather turns colder. In exchange, she offers to help solve the clues they believe will help find their mother: clues that lead them on an unusual treasure hunt through Portland involving stolen art, hidden money, and foreign gangsters. But the most ominous clue is a name that suggests all of their lives have been intertwined since long before they were born and that their legacies place them on opposite sides of a mob war.

Legacy, a young adult suspense novel combines the gritty adventure feel of Melissa Marr, the difficult sibling journey of Cynthia Voigt's Homecoming with the art theft and high adventure of Ally Carter's Heist Society. Ultimately, it is about what happens to children who are left holding the pieces of their parents' explosive lives.

I'd love to know what you think--there is still time to tweak it.

Frickin' Freezing!

Topical Tuesday, eh? Well, I have to admit, the only topic on my mind right now is IT'S REALLY FREAKIN' COLD! Or rather, it's finally getting down to normal winter temperatures and hooboy, it is seriously time to bundle up!

Okay. So, I know perfectly well that it was way colder than this when I was in college - I went to school in Rochester, NY, and we got lake-effect all kinds of rubbish up there (wind, snow, you name it), so I guess being back here further east where the ocean theoretically modulates the worst of it has turned me soft. But I'm still cold.

My best friend's husband lived in Antarctica for 5 months once. If you go outside in Antarctica dressed for, say, a typical New England fall day, you freeze to death in pretty damn short order. And the entire continent is covered in ice, after all. So it must be worse there. But I'm still cold.

You know what else comes to mind when I think "cold"? Siberia. Big ol' furry hats and Russian men with giant wooly overcoats bundled up so closely that all you can see are their eyes peering out between the hat brim and the coat collar = seriously freezing. But I'm still cold.

So what am I doing about it? I sewed myself a pair of fleece pants, for starters; oh, and a new cover for my heating pad, that's made of flannel and quite cozy, really. I've got cats all over me - well, okay, one on my legs and one on my belly, but close enough - and hot drinks, and a down comforter and a space heater. Wooly socks (damn right I knitted 'em myself!), flannel sheets, two blankets, and fingerless gloves (yep, knitted those too).

You know what?

That should do it.

(So why am I STILL COLD?!?!?)

Hat source

Topical Tuesday Tackles the Tarsands

Those who know me, know that in the last few years I've been on a news diet. Especially in the car while I'm driving. Instead I listen to audio books from the library. This week, due to several technical malfunctions, I found myself without my defence against listening to the radio. And so I did.
I listened to the CBC - Canadian Broadcasting Corporation for you non-canucks and I listened to a report on the proposed pipe-line, The Northern Gateway - hearings begin today on this controversial project. Who's agin it - 1st Nation Peoples who live, fish, hunt and enjoy the land it will cross, most environmental groups with any smarts, who do not wish to support any further exploiting of the tarsands. Who's for it? The Harper Hooligans, the big oil companies and well, you know, the usual suspects of greed and avarice.
What I heard yesterday that got my head a-steaming, was that Harper is furious that "highly financed groups from the United States were protesting the pipe-line. How dare those non-Canadians interfere?? Bluster bluster blah blah!
Here's a story I heard about Stephen Harper when he was little. It may be not be true ;)  He was taken to the municipal swimming pool - a pool that his Daddy was on the board of, being an important man about town. Little Stevie had to pee so he did, in the pool. An older smart-guy from another community asked him what the heck he thought he was doing. Stevie said 'it's my pool and I'll pee in it if I want - it isn't any of your beeswax. You just swim in the deep-end...so it won't matter to you."
Here's a piece from the Globe & Mail for those of you who want to know more. Please engage. As a Canadian, I believe it is your business what big oil is getting up to. I invite you to join those 'moneyed rebels' with your pledges of support.

Enlarge this image

The Northern Gateway pipeline, politics and the law

nathan vanderklippe

From Tuesday's Globe and Mail

Published Monday, Jan. 09, 2012 8:47PM EST

Last updated Monday, Jan. 09, 2012 8:53PM EST

After years of preparation, a project that would reshape the geography of Canada’s energy landscape is entering public hearings. But with the tremendous rancour already stoked by Enbridge Inc.’s proposed Northern Gateway pipeline, it’s likely some of the most important decisions that will clear – or block – the path for its construction won’t be made by the three-person federal joint review panel that expects to render a verdict by the end of 2013.

Infographic

Where the Gateway leads: Tanker routes to Kitimat

Profiles

Faces of so-called radicalism: Three opponents of the Northern Gateway

Instead, it’s possible the courts – and perhaps even Parliament – will be called on to play defining roles. The pipeline represents such an important confluence of issues – Canada’s future energy development versus its commitment to environmental obligations and first nations rights – that legal and political intervention could set important national precedents.
There are several ways this could happen, and several important possible outcomes – both if the National Energy Board approves Gateway, angering opponents, or if it denies a project the Harper government has vocally supported.
Legal challenge
First nations and environmental groups are almost certain to appeal any approval of Northern Gateway. They could do so on numerous grounds. If the NEB gives its blessing, that decision can be challenged in the Federal Court of Appeal on procedural grounds. First nations groups could also mount constitutional challenges, arguing that they have not been accorded sufficient consultation or accommodation. First nations do not have a veto on resource projects, but legal wrangling can force substantial delays.
Creative federal intervention
Ottawa has been loath to directly interfere with the National Energy Board, which is supposed to operate independently. But there are several examples of how it has used more creative means to overturn a decision, without doing so directly. For example, when the NEB came out with a restrictive policy on natural gas exports, Ottawa asked the board to reconsider – and the NEB came back with a less restrictive policy. The NEB also said no to a natural gas pipeline to Atlantic Canada, saying it didn’t make financial sense. After Ottawa implemented the National Energy Plan, which included provisions that changed the economics of the pipeline, the NEB reconsidered and approved. The Harper government has already shown its willingness to intervene in similar ways with the CRTC and Investment Canada.
Direct federal intervention
Parliament has often intervened in major pipeline projects. It was Parliament that cleared the way for construction of the initial TransCanada Corp. Mainline pipeline, which delivers western gas to eastern markets by way of Northern Ontario. And Parliament also stepped in to pass legislation for an Alaska gas pipeline through Canada, drafting and passing the Northern Pipeline Act. Legislation could be used to overturn an NEB decision not to approve – a move that would, according to multiple sources, be unprecedented and susceptible to legal challenge. But Ottawa could also use legislation to strengthen an approval. Legislation can still be challenged on some grounds, but it’s a more ironclad method to approve a pipeline, since there are fewer grounds for appeal. It would be an unusual method, but it’s been done before with pipelines.
The stakes
A Supreme Court ruling on first nations consultation and accommodation could provide an important clarification of how aboriginal people should be treated in relation to resource projects and industrial development. That’s something lawyers have been begging for, since there is no neat prescription of what needs to be done to meet those principles. But if Ottawa forces through a project that either the NEB turns down or first nations continue to stridently oppose, it risks damaging the credibility of the NEB – or opening a major conflict with aboriginal people. “One of the things I’ve always looked at as a key to this case is whether or not this is the issue on which Prime Minister Harper wants to pick a battle with the first nations,” said George Hoberg, a professor in environmental and natural resource policy and governance at the University of British Columbia. The Gateway case is fraught with so many issues that Prof. Hoberg is already using it as a classroom case study. Lawyers with first nations expertise are also watching closely.

And so will I be. Like an endangered-hawk I'll be watching...

If not the end of the world, then what?

Last week, Leanne wrote an excellent post about dystopian literature (and you should all go read it, if you haven’t already). This week, however, I take advantage of the combination of our regular “Topical Tuesday” and the start of a brand new year. And not just any year. 2012. The year the Mayans either did or didn’t predict would be the end of the world.

("Did or didn’t", I suppose, is a rather vague description. Of course the Mayans either did or didn’t predict the end of the world. We all either do or don’t predict that on a daily basis. Just as you either did or didn’t get up from your bed this morning, you did or didn’t eat breakfast, and then you did or didn’t get abducted by aliens.

I’d wager, though, that there is a larger following of the theory that the Mayans did predict the end of the world, than it is one believing you got abducted by aliens after having swallowed your morning coffee.)

Now. Despite what the Mayans did or didn’t predict, and despite what we do or don’t interpret is as, I don’t much believe in the end of the world. I hope that 2012 will make a better year than movie. I’m not entirely sure how. But all the same, it is very unlikely it will end the world. 2012 – the movie didn’t end Hollywood, after all. There is still hope.

Hope, yes. But for what? “The world not coming to an end” is a pretty low standard for what we need to have as a minimum demand to make this a successful year. Let me show you an illustrative figure:

Assuming the modern interpretation of the Mayan prediction is correct, this figure shows that "Not the end of the world" is pretty far down on the scale where "utopia" serves as the other extreme from "the end of the world". 

Then we are free to fill in several other possible occurrences or events according to their degree of terribleness relative to the end of the world/utopia:

Yes. I'm aware that "Vesuv" is the Norwegian spelling of the volcano called Mount Vesuvius in English, and Monte Vesuvio in Italian. Blame my "End-of-the-world-terribleness-indicator"-maker. She appears to be Norwegian (and quite fond of chocolate). 

As you can see, there is quite a lot of bleakness that is considered less terrible than "not the end of the world". It is my claim that this is the state we all know and love as "dystopia":

The red circle should, clearly, extend all the way to "Not the end of the world", and perhaps close in a little tighter to "out of chocolate". Again, my  "End-of-the-world-terribleness-indicator"-maker  is Norwegian. Also, I hear, she's not a proper scientist.  

This state of red circle is what we all should fear, more so than our fear for the end of the world. If it ends, it ends. We're out. It is much more scary, in reality, to think of everything that is slightly less terrible than the end of the world. It's not just about chocolate or terrible movies, but also death, war, destruction. Awful things, that - all joking aside - actually will and can happen. Yes, there will be more wars, natural disasters and pointless human suffering. Yes, we might tumble into new financial crises. The Euro might fall. Wall Street might win. Or lose. The Middle East might show us further upheavals still. North Korea might explode, or implode, or plode in other frightful manners. We might actually run out of chocolate.  

All in all, though, these are worst-case scenarios. They might not happen at all. And if they do, they probably won't all happen at once. Thus, the chances are we'll still be stuck in the fuzzy area between dystopia and utopia. Everything isn't great, but it's not all bad either. The world hasn't ended. Hitler isn't back. There will be chocolate. 

If you're still not convinced, and you still believe the Mayans were right - ponder this: 

Topical Tuesday - Lotus Outreach

Today I'm nice and toasty in my home. My sixteen year old step-daughter is moody and surly and then happy and ecstatic - pretty normal in other words. She is safe too. But lots and lots of sixteen year old girls aren't safe. Lots and lots of younger than sixteen girls aren't safe. So today - in the midst of Christmas baking and little things making and dog-walking and writing with my pal Gwen - I gave money to Lotus Outreach. For many girls and women every day is full of one topic - how can I survive? Lotus Outreach works with girls and women in areas where there isn't a lot of anything and girls are vulnerable to sexual exploitation.
Here in there own words:

Originally established to support refugee education, Lotus Outreach now also helps rehabilitate survivors of human trafficking and keep at-risk students in school. We support this mission through effective grassroots projects, particularly among the rural poor. 

What We Do

Lotus Outreach supports the development of effective grassroots projects in vulnerable communities. We aim to build the capacity and sustainability of our local project partners and aspire to raise awareness in our home countries of the problems presented by poverty throughout Asia. Our mission is pursued on several fronts:

• We promote and provide education for children previously denied this right due to extreme poverty or discrimination
• We provide basic healthcare where it’s needed most
• We provide trauma counseling, education and training to children and young women rescued from human trafficking and sexual slavery
• We advocate for social change through informational grass-roots programs
• We provide non-formal and alternative forms of education and basic job skills training
• work to identify and prevent the causes of trafficking and sexual slavery through outreach work, public education campaigns and advocacy.

Today I wanted to post about this program and ask everyone who stops in here to think of young girls who are at risk - either here or abroad - how can you reach out to help them. There is a current belief and I think a well-founded one, that if the 12 year old girls of the world are educated - world poverty will be eradicated. What could be more topical than that?

How to be a Good Customer

The holiday season is upon us - that time of year when, contrary to the general feelings supposed to be induced by the myriad holidays celebrated during it, everyone seems to get stressed out and is pulled tighter than the laces in a fat lady's corset trying to get everything done. It's natural to snap at some point and want to take it out on random people you encounter during your whirlwind of preparation, but on behalf of retail workers everywhere, I'm here to beg you pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease don't be nasty to the poor soul trying to help you out.

We all know the economy sucks rocks right now, despite the noises politicians are making about "recovery". You're probably making less money than you did a few years ago, so of course you want to stretch what you do have as far as possible. Coupons? Go for it. Discount cards? Absolutely. Comparison shopping? Makes sense to me. You know what doesn't? When people yell at the person behind the counter for not accepting their expired coupons. Or their 3-year-old return (when the receipt clearly states a vastly shorter window). Or for not being able to find what you want, when YOU don't know what you want.

Remember that retail workers are people, too - and due to the aforementioned sucky economy, they're more likely than ever before to be highly educated and underemployed. The person you're talking down to probably has a master's degree, but is still grateful to have a job at all. And even if they are some lazy high school dropout who only got hired 'cause their uncle knows a guy, they're still a person.

If you legitimately need help with something, ask. Don't hover. It's creepy. Do read signs and stickers - they have the info you need on them a good 90% of the time. Don't act like it's a great moral failing on the part of the employee helping you when the store is sold out of what you want - somebody got there before you, and there's not a darn thing the employee can do about it. Do put things back where you found them if you decide not to purchase them, or at least give them to someone who knows where they belong. Don't holler at someone from halfway across the store, especially if they've got their hands full or are on the phone - they're clearly busy and are unlikely to hear you anyway. Do wait your turn as patiently as possible - stores definitely value your business, but also that of the three people in front of you who have been waiting longer.

And while I've read countless articles about and personally witnessed many acts of incredibly bad behaviour and entitlement among the generation coming up the ranks (those tweens, teens and twenties everyone is so worried about), it's the older folks who come up with the most breathtaking rudeness, every single time. I don't care who you are, how old you are or how much money you have - treat people like people, not like something nasty you stepped in, and everyone will have a much happier holiday season!

Pass the egg nog...

Furry Friends

Dipsy, my first feline baby.

While today's subject may not be strictly 'topical' as such, it's something that is close to my heart (and several other Burrowers too *winks at Leanne*). I'm a huge cat lover, and always have been. For as long as I can remember, there has been a cat as a family pet.


There were several as I was growing up, all of whom are in feline heaven now. There was Fluffy, who lived to the grand old age of seventeen and eventually died from cancer; Topsy, who, if I remember correctly, sadly disappeared one day. More recently, there was Gizmo, who was run over by a car and died from his injuries, and Simba, another adventurer who wandered away and never came back.

All of these were strictly my parents' cats, but they were still part of my family. I've only had three furry friends over the years, and two of them are still with me. My first baby, Dipsy (my son named her and was a Tellytubby fan at the time), was also one of those unfortunate cats who fall prey to speeding cars. She was a beauty, with thick tortoiseshell fur. She was also a bit grumpy (to say the least). She was most likely to hiss at you if you went too close, unless you were 'Mama'.

So why am I talking about felines? Well, we seem to be having a surge of pet problems around my neck of the woods. Two of my work colleagues have had pet deaths this week (one kitty and one hamster), and my parents ' latest furry friend - a massive fluffy tom going by the name of Thomas - has to have a biopsy this week to see whether a growth is cancerous or not.

Thomas is a rescue cat. My parents picked him a couple of years ago from a cat protection facility, and he was in a sorry state mentally when they first had him. We think his previous owner was elderly and couldn't get around a lot, and Thomas was probably the only companion that they had. My mother had to really baby him for a long time before he got used to his new home. He was nervous, didn't like to go outside (unless he was on a leash), and would cry in the night if he wanted to eat or see to his 'business'.  I hope his biopsy shows something that is treatable, he's such a character.

We invest so much time and love in our pets, and it's devastating when they leave us. I'm sending positive thoughts and cuddles to all those animals out there that are sick, or who just need a little love. They may not be human, but to many of us they are true friends, and as much a part of our families as our children.

On a happier note, here are some pictures of my two current babies, who are thankfully full of life and mischief!

Angel looking curious, while Belle looks on.

Couldn't work out if this was a cuddle or a scuffle.

This is definitely a 'cwtch'!

Five Suggestions for New Holidays

Happy Samhain, everyone-- the time of year when we reflect upon, um... the equinox. And saints deliver candy to children with good costumes, or something.

Yes, we have plenty of holidays already on the books. But, really, only about a half dozen are "must-do" events. Holiday-making is like sales; you just have to take a lot of shots at it and see what pans out. There's not a hair's difference between the significance of, say, Thanksgiving and May Day, but the former is a major holiday in the U.S. whilst the latter is nearly forgotten. Easter used to be much bigger than Christmas (and still is, in terms of religious significance). St. Patrick's Day is completely optional; St. Valentine's Day is not; and All Saints Day is a footnote.

You get the idea.



PC's Day
First Monday in April -- split between delivery of UNIVAC I (31 March) and Microsoft founding (4 April)

There's already a plethora of holidays to show appreciation to the important people in our lives. There's Mother's Day and Father's Day, of course, for those parents who (hopefully) have given each of us more than we can repay. There's also a Teacher's Day. And a Secretary's Day. And probably a Dentist's Day, Accountant's Day, Masseuse's Day, Parole Officer's Day, Quiet Neighbor's Day, and Reasonable Blackmailer's Day.

Yes, thank you, one and all.

But our computers are fast becoming more important than transient relationships. How about a day for appreciating them?

Your computer doesn't want flowers or a card (at least not a paper card-- check its performance diagnostics and it might appreciate another kind). But you can give it a few kind words of thanks, and maybe refrain from overclocking for a day. Or finally take a moment to work over its backside with some compressed air-- unless you're over 60, in which case you do that too much already, so in your case it's time to grit your teeth and download some updates.

But this isn't about maintenance per se. It's about showing some thanks and treating your computer like a person. And I'm totally serious. Your computer might not be a person, but it's fewer years than you think until you upgrade to a model that effectively is. So let's all develop some good habits before it's too late and we find ourselves combating AI-constructed murderous cyborgs or locked in a virtual reality world against our will.




Card Day
29 August -- birth of Joyce C. Hall, founder of Hallmark

The purpose of piddling miscellaneous holidays is divert productive energy from things that improve our quality of life to the manufacture of greeting cards. What could be simpler-- and more honest-- than Card Day?

There will be cards, of course. And without any real message to convey, the design objective will be to make cards that are as specific as possible to the exchanging individuals. E.g.,

Happy Card Day to my paternal grandmother!

Happy Card Day to my uncle by marriage through my mother's sister!

All my love, on our third Card Day as friends, our first Card Day as a sexually active couple, and our second Card Day as a romantic couple in any capacity.

The traditional Card Day décor will be silver and purple bunting. What's that? You don't have anything lying around that you can use? But that's the point of Card Day-- more opportunities for retailers to whore out promote the holiday with innovative wares. Also, you have to wear a beige hat and a teal scarf (both monogrammed with the current year), and if anyone catches you without them, you have to buy them dinner.

So, is Card Day a good idea? No. Absolutely not. But it's a bad idea that people will get behind. And speaking of bad ideas...




Dependence Day
3 February -- ratification of the Sixteenth Amendment authorizing a federal income tax

For Americans, here's a complementary holiday to Independence Day. We can celebrate a government that appropriates ten times the revenue and controls a hundred times as much of our personal lives as the most outlandish schemes ever devised by George III.

For the kids, we can tell the story of magical Uncle Sam, who comes in the middle of the night and leaves $1 million federal bonds with 100-year maturity for all the good children who promise to be registered voters. Red, white and blue decorations can be recycled from Independence Day/Flag Day/We're-Not-Celebrating-We're-Commemorating-September-11-Day. As for music, the patriotic stuff is already stretched a bit thin. Therefore, everyone will hum the theme music from the their local news shows. That will serve as the perfect lead-in to the final Dependence Day tradition: Discussing terrorist attacks, sensational murders, and politician sex scandals as if they were the most important issues of the day.




Procrastinator's Day
30 June -- see below

Officially, Procrastinator's Day is to be observed as soon as possible in the month of June.

Decorations are the biggest part of Procrastinator's Day. These should include a full bag of garbage on the porch, a load of laundry in the dryer that has been run for "another ten minutes to get the wrinkles back out" at least three times, and unopened mail scattered throughout the kitchen and/or living room.

The traditional meal is delivery or take-out, if you can afford it. Otherwise, make a sandwich. Or open a can of chili. You should not eat leftovers (unless it's leftover chili or take-out, of course), because that suggests something that was prepared ahead of time.

Cards and gifts are absolutely taboo. The only person to whom you wish a 'Happy Procrastinator's Day' will be your mother (because she'll be hurt if you ignore her). Do not call. It will be traditional to send a text message, partly because you're too embarrassed to be calling this late, but mostly because if you call, you'll have to spend time talking about stuff, and you can do that later.




Newtonukkah
25 December -- Isaac Newton's Birthday

Yes, I got this idea from Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory.

And, yes, nerds like that show. At least I do.

If there is any human being worthy of his own holiday, it is Sir Isaac Newton. After all, if one accepts the tenets of Islam, then Muhammad transcribed the words of God verbatim; and if one accepts the tenets of Christianity, Jesus is an incarnation of God. Everything Newton accomplished was done with a human brain.

On TBBT, Leonard suggested the name Newtwonmas. I prefer "Newtonukkah", because it sounds like some kind of Christmas alternative, which is sort of the intent. When we convert the somewhat-exclusive "Merry Christmas" to the allegedly inclusive "Happy Holidays", thereby incorporating Hannukah, we expand the relevance from 2.1 billion people to 2.1 billion people. That's not a typo. The global population of Jews is less than the margin of error when counting Christians. The addition of Newtonukkah would allow the biggest holiday "season" to be relevant to everyone (save perhaps a few proud descendents of Leibniz).

Plus "Newtonukkah" sounds like bad-ass Transformer.

We can incorporate many of the secular Christmas traditions, including the exchanging of gifts and an insincere commitment to world peace. Decorations can be red and green, but with a bit more emphasis on apples and apple trees. Also, in addition to developing calculus and formulating the laws of gravity and motion, Newton was highly successful at busting counterfeiters. So it might be appropriate to replace the Yule Log with a burning effigy of the current Federal Reserve Board Chairman whilst the family sits nearby learning a new class of integrals.

Cheers,
Jason

In search of the 'Magic pill'

When a friend posted the Nike “Girl Effect” video on Facebook, one of his friends commented – “I challenge you to prove to me that staying in school = job, … and that by being educated she isn't also ostracized from the social network that can help her survive if she isn't excessively exploited…….Yes, I know "stop prostitution, build schools" is more compelling, but I'm unconvinced …[education]….is a solution.”

Had it been one of my own friends, I would probably have taken her down in a tackle and punched her on the nose a couple of times, but this was a friend of a friend, and I didn’t want to engage in a fight on someone else’s wall. And I am glad I stopped to take a breath before reacting, because when I thought about it, I realized she was right. 

As a proponent of educating girls and women, the last thing I want is for someone to question the effectiveness of education in solving a social problem that has existed for generations, but when you really think about it, the lady was right.

Girls’ Education is NOT a magic pill that you can force down the throat of an unwilling society, and expect it to cure centuries of oppression and neglect. Education alone does not make any difference to the status of women in either the household or the community. Education does not necessarily lead to financial independence, and financial independence does not imply social justice.

Though it pains me to say so, educating girls and women is not ‘The Solution’.

Let us for a moment forget the female foetuses that are killed in the womb, the female babies that are abandoned soon after birth, and the girls that are allowed to die due to malnutrition and neglect. Let us think only of the girls who are lucky enough to be allowed to reach their fifth birthdays.

Let us think about Arthi who is grudgingly allowed to go to the local government school, provided she milks the goats first thing in the morning, and fetches water from a well 5 miles away after she gets back home from school. While her male classmates are playing cricket, she’s busy helping her mother cook dinner, and long after everyone retires for the night, she tries to finish her homework in the light of a flickering lamp. Arthi still manages to keep up with her studies, but the day her mother falls ill after delivering a male child, she is expected to drop out of school and mind her baby brother. She is seven, but her life is all but over. No more dreaming of becoming a doctor and serving humanity.

She knows that she will be kept at home to mind a succession of younger siblings, and be married off to a much older man soon after she attains puberty.
She might remember her dreams, and try to ensure her daughters get an education, but dreams are not always something you can afford when you are trying desperately to keep a family together on a meagre income.

Building a school would not have made any difference to Arthi’s life, because her family decided they were better off using her as a full-time unpaid help.

Let us think about Urmila who managed to stay in school long enough to graduate. The nearest college is in a city 100 miles away, and even if they could afford it, her parents would not allow her to leave home for fear of the stigma that would attach itself to a girl who lived “alone in an alien city”. Her high school graduation certificate is of no use in helping her get a job in her village, and she is eventually left with no choice but to allow her family to marry her off to the first man who will have her.

Her husband grudges her the independence of thought that an education has given her, and works hard to stamp out her spirit. To survive, she leans to curb her tongue and accede to whatever is demanded of her. She does her best to encourage other girls to study and dream big, and when the time comes, she will move to the city herself so her daughter can go to college.
But a high school education did not leave Urmila any better off than she would have been if she had dropped out of school after primary school.

Let us think about Sukriti who studied and became a teacher in the local village school. She earns more than any of her brothers, but is expected to hand over her entire earnings to her father. Few men are willing to even consider marrying her, and her father deters the few that are because he doesn’t want to give up on a reliable source of money. She has no say in any of the decisions that the family makes, she is excluded from social activities because of her unmarried status, and though she loves teaching young girls, she wonders if this is the life she expected when she fought society to be allowed to realize her dreams.

Sukriti is educated and has a good job, but financial earnings have not translated into social or economic independence for her.

Building schools has not made too much of a difference to Arthi, Urmila or Sukriti. Clearly education is NOT a magic pill. It is not a magic-pill, because the problem is not a simple one. The status of women is linked to poverty and to the rural-urban divide. It is the product of generations of oppression in the household, and centuries of being denied their rightful place in society.

When the problem is as deep rooted in tradition and poverty as the condition of women in some parts of the world, the solution cannot be a simple one. Society needs to accept women as useful citizens and not merely as breeding machines; families need to move from a patriarchal mode to a more equitable one; communities need to train themselves to hear the voice of women. None of that can happen in a day, a month, a decade or even a generation.

Change has to be gradual. Change has to start somewhere. And Education is as good a place to start as any other. Girls who go to school learn to look beyond the constraints a patriarchal society has placed on them. They look at a future beyond the traditional "female" occupations which ultimately boil down to pleasing men in some way, and start thinking for themselves.

And that is definitely the first step towards a change which may well take more than one generation to manifest itself in.

Education of girls and women is not a magic pill, but it is the logical place to start. And we owe it to Her to start.

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All photographs taken by the writer, and not to be used without prior written permission.