26 August 2010

Delusional Thursday- Was Lord Voldemort a Virgin?

You have heard us babbling about HPANA, haven't you? HPANA is where it all happened for us. What we were looking for when we stumbled onto the site, I do not know, but what we found was definitely not what we had been looking for. Because had we been looking for what we eventually found, we would not have been on HPANA in the first place.

Confused you enough? Maybe I should start again, and try and be at least marginally coherent. Unless I am mistaken, all of us joined HPANA either just before the release of Book 6 in the Harry Potter series, or soon after, and when we joined, we were looking for a place where we could read and discuss the latest theories and predictions on how the series would pan out. Pretty soon, however, we ran out of theories to discuss, but since we had made friends, we were reluctant to leave. HPANA then became a popular hang-out for the 'cool Harry Potter crowd'. We sat around sipping butterbeers, reading (and writing) fan-fiction, chatting, socialising, and holding short-story writing contests. Long before social networking became popular, HPANA was just that.

Once in awhile, to amuse ourselves, and to remind ourselves that HPANA was not just 'any site', but one devoted to Harry Potter, we threw out questions like - "Was Lord Voldemort a virgin?" The question could go either way - there is nothing in Harry Potter canon, either to suggest that Lord Voldemort was not a virgin, or to confirm that he was indeed one. Perhaps the only time virginity (or its lack thereof) could have come into focus was when Professor Quirrell sought to catch a unicorn in Book 1. According to unicorn legend, it takes a naked virgin to catch a unicorn. Professor Quirrell managed to catch the unicorn, ergo, he must be a naked virgin. There is, however, no evidence to suggest that he was not fully clothed at that point of time, so even if he was a virgin, he was not a naked virgin. How, then, could he have caught the unicorn? But Quirrell was not the only person around that night. Lord Voldemort was there too, and since he did not even have a corporeal form, it is safe to presume he must have been naked (you cannot put clothes on a body which doesn't exist, can you). Which means, if he was a virgin, he would also have been a naked virgin, and so he could have caught the unicorn.

Reason enough to conclude that Lord Voldemort was a virgin.

But considering I came up with this conclusive proof of Lord Voldemort's virginity only a few minutes back, you can be sure we spent many heated hours arguing about his virginity or lack thereof. Most people seemed to believe that Lord Voldemort must be a virgin, because (a) which woman would have him, (b) it was obvious that he has never known love in his life, and (c) he would not consider any woman a worthy recipient of the life-force of Salazar Slytherin.

While I continued to believe that Lord Voldemort would not want to risk losing control of himself by engaging in an act of sexual intercourse, none of those arguments appealed to me.

Argument (a) did not hold any water - by all accounts, Tom M. Riddle was a handsome youth, and even if he wasn't, he was the Head Boy and an exceptional student - unless the girls at Hogwarts are different from girls in other schools, they would be flinging themselves at Tom M. Riddle.

Argument (b) was the easiest to dismiss - since when has sex had anything to do with love? Lust maybe, but definitely not love.

Argument (c) called for a bit of psychology. While Lord Voldemort would not consider any woman worthy of him, he would have cheerfully procreated if he thought producing an heir would advance his cause. He would never trust any son of his, but producing or not producing a child would depend on the direction his plans for world domination took.

Clearly, though everything pointed towards Lord Voldemort being a virgin, there were no conclusive arguments to support that. But what if you flipped it around and assumed that Lord Voldemort was NOT a virgin. Under what circumstances could he have been enticed to fornicate with a woman? Would he have done so to advance his plans, or could he have been driven by a primal urge even he could not understand? What kind of woman would he have chosen as his sexual partner? A witch as powerful as himself, one with an uncontaminated bloodline, or, would a quirk of nature drive him to copulate with a lowly witch? Would he feel elated after the act, or would he be filled with self loathing? Would he do it once, and never again, or would he be driven to return again and again.

And what if the act resulted in procreation? Would he seek to destroy his young before it became more powerful than him, or would be bend the will of the child to suit his purposes? The questions refused to leave me, and I finally decided to exorcise the question of Lord Voldemort's virginity (or lack thereof) by putting it down as a story. The monthly short story challenge at that point of time required you to incorporate the line "how did you know to set breakfast for two?", a malfunctioning Remembrall, a swarm of ants, and a couple of other items I do not remember, and I chucked them all into the cauldron, and stirred it to come up with the story, 'Lady Roselyn's Riddle'. The story can be found here [the story has adult content, and by clicking on the link you are agreeing to proceed after having read the warning].

Whether you click on to read the story or not, you now know the extent to which our imaginations could stretch to accommodate the requirements of fan-fiction. Aren't you glad we switched to mainstream fiction instead?

And after reading the delusional ramblings from five years ago, if you want to guess the identity of her grandchildren, you are more than welcome to do so. When I wrote the story, I left enough clues to lead to four equally plausible contenders. I have my pet theory about which of them it actually is, but if you are a Harry Potter buff, I would love to have you guess.
Images - Unicorn, Tom M. Riddle


Creepy Query Girl said...

I always thought he and Bellatrix Lestrange hooked up. She was his favorite and he was really upset when she died at the end of book 7.

Sugar said...

omg that is one image I so did not want to have in my head! lol

Natasha said...

@ CQG- if he did do anything of that kind, Bella is most likely the recipient of his 'affection', but knowing the kind of man he was, he may just have chosen the most unworthy woman as the recipient of his lust.

@ Sugar - Mission Accomplished!!!!

CA Heaven said...

For Voldemort's own sake, I hope he was not. It would be damn boring to go through life as a virgin, I think.

Cold As Heaven

Tina said...

Don't know how I missed that you had another blog...but this was delightful. I'm a huge fan of Harry, and spent plenty of time discussing how the series HAD to end for me to be satisfied. My favorite debater disagreed with me. It's the miracle of JK Rowling which produced an ending that made both of us right :-) Now I'm off to read your story. And for the record, I'd never considered the question of Voldemort's sex life...

Tina said...

Ok, I'm back. AWESOME story. Loved it. As to the identity of her grandchildren, that is a great question. As you said there are enough clues for several contenders. The red leads to the Weasley family...perhaps Molly is Voldemort's daughter. The adoption of the daughter leads me to Hermione, who ended up a powerful witch in a muggle family...perhaps the powers skipped a generation to her, and her parents had no idea her birthmom was the daughter of Lady Rosslyn...I'd love to hear your pet theory.

ViolaNut said...

Y'know, the unicorn thing never even occurred to me... and I've read Rampant, even! *shakes head* Wish JKR would hurry up with Hogwarts: A History so we could have more evidence AND more theory-fodder!

Hart Johnson said...

Natasha, this was FABULOUS! I've of course read the STORY before, but your presentation of our theorizing was fabulous!

McGonagall comes to mind as a daughter, but she doesn't have kids in the HP books, so that isn't actually my GUESS (just a mind of Riddle with a HEART of Lady Roselyn.) Though I am looking for a Ravenclaw, and Luna is the only one we know well... (and she DOES seem to have a lifetime of love stored up that isn't quite tangible...)

Anonymous said...

This was hilarious and a surprisingly intellectual piece.

I say Voldemort is entirely asexual.

Arlee Bird said...

I am totally lost with this. I have never read a Harry Potter nor have I seen any of the movies. I thought this was going to be some sort discussion related to religion or something.

Well, it was well written anyway and now I guess I should try to start catching up with the movie series since I don't think I'll be reading the books.

Tossing It Out

RosieC said...

That's awesome! I love the logic :) And there's something oddly more acceptable to me about him being a virgin, though I can't quite put my finger on it. Ha!

Natasha said...

Sorry about the delay in getting back to you :-(

@ Cold As Heaven- except, he got his thrills in other ways. Perhaps he never needed sex.

@ Tina- didn't know you were a Potter buff too. And I think I can make a calculated guess what the two of you disagreed on.
Thank you for your comments on the story- it is one of my favourites, though when I now read it, I can see all the flaws I never even noticed then.
Molly's kids and Hermione were two of the contenders. Lily Evans was a third (her mother was the daughter), and Colin Cheevy's mother was the third - there must be some reason both brothers were born magical.

@ ViolaNut- yes, we do need Hogwarts: A History. If not the whole thing, at least some parts of it- the parts that would give us something to talk about.

@ Hart- thank you. And we did pull out all stops, didn't we?
Not McGonagall- wouldn't she be too old to be Riddle's daughter- I think I calculated her as being almost a contemporary.
Luna would be a great candidate, but I like that he heir of Syltherine AND Ravenclaw not be in either of the two houses.

@ Amanda- between you and me, I agree. I just wanted to play around with the idea of his not being a virgin, and see how far it could go.

@ Lee - I am sorry if I misled you. We are a bunch of Harry Potter geeks, and keep religion out of our discussions because we don't want to inadvertantly offend.

@ RosieC- thank you. And I am pretty sure he was one too- he wouldn't have wanted to risk losing control.

Unknown said...

Whether LV is a virgin or not is a surprisingly intriguing question. I always imagined that in his altered state he became less and less human so any desires he had would have changed with him. I have to agree that the choice to have a child would be as calculated as any other choice in his life he would have some reason for doing it. His choice of bedmate might be different than the choice of who he would have be the mother of his child. I think he would either pick someone with a great family line because Voldy jr. would have to be what he himself wasn’t or he would chose someone from similar circumstances as himself like he did in choosing to go after Harry before Neville with the prophecy.

My first thought was Hermione. Seeing as her story is the best known to the Muggles. I know it is unlikely but how about Tonks (She was a Hufflepuff so that fits the not being the house of either ancestor.) I can’t see the Blacks taking a child in that wasn’t their own but if they had any idea of her lineage they might want to have a Slytherin/Ravenclaw child. Of course she would have had plenty of Muggle blood which they would object too and I can’t see Dumbledore leaving a child with the Blacks (but them again he left one with the Dursleys) but it would explain Andromeda’s difference from the rest of the family.

But it does say grandchildren so that could mean a family in which we see more than one of her decedents. As mentioned the Crevey’s could fit the bill but not a lot is know about them other than the fact that they were Muggle-born, excitable and in Griffindors. The Weasley’s could also fit because we know about all the Weasley children to some degree and four of them quite well (I didn’t count Percy because though we know him for all seven books we never learn as much about him as Ron and Ginny or even Fred and George.)

Another obvious choice would make Lily the child and Harry the grandchild. Or more perversely Petunia the child and Dudley the grandchild. Dumbeldore does have a history of leaving Wizard children with Muggles.

I have given this entirely too much thought.

I want to know what your four theories were and which was your favorite.

Natasha said...

@ Katy- you do know your JKR, don't you!!!

To be honest, I didn't think of Tonks as a candidate, though she could well be one. Grandchild, so her mother could have been placed with the Blacks- unlikely, but why not.

When I was writing the story, I had in mind four possible candidates - the three you mention (Hermione, Cheevy brothers, and Lily/ Petunia), and Molly's seven kids.

Of the lot, which was my favourite candidate? Apart from the poetic justice in it being Lily Evans, I actually was thinking of the Cheevy brothers. What are the odds that two Muggles produce TWO Magical kids?

Dante said...

I guess that we just found out what was wrong with him