29 September 2011

Whiny Baby Hour

Eyeball source
So some people are happy about fall. They're all like, “oh, it's so much more comfortable,” and I want to stick forks in their eyeballs. I didn't get my fill of summer. I want to lay by a pool and have cocktails brought to me by cabana boys. I want to go for naked swims.

Never mind that I want to lose the weight I'm trying to lose first and it will probably be NEXT summer before I get close to THAT particular goal. I want both NOW: to be svelt and lying by a pool naked with cocktails. *nods *

And you know how some people can close their mouth and breathe at the same time? Like their noses aren't full of goo and their heads haven't been stuffed with fluff, and their lungs haven't been loaded with crap... I want to be like that. OH, what I wouldn't give for this blasted cold to just leave me this second.

Ack! But which one! (source)
But you know, this one was my own darned fault... Hubby got it... then daughter got it... then son got it... then they all got better and I said (say it with me) “I'm so glad I didn't get that cold.” you KNOW a phrase like that is the freaking kiss of death. The fates can't resist that taunting...

And our money troubles just seem to have taken over the world... So what I REALLY want, more than any of this other stuff, is a two million dollar book deal so I can just be DONE with that stupid 'pay attention to what stuff costs' part of my life. It's for the birds. I mean I don't intend to be wasteful. I will never be a person who... say... buys a boat just to own a boat... (a canoe maybe—I like canoeing)--and I might go on a cruise. But if I owned a freaking boat, it seems there's a lot of work involved, and I'm just not particularly interested in adding anything that complicates life... We might put a second story on the shoebox we live in—that would be good... give us a little room... get my writing out of the bloody basement (not that there's ever REAL blood in the basement, at least not very often)

What I really want is enough money so I don't have to work full time so that I can BOTH write, AND relax now and again.

Don't want to look like this (source)
Speaking of relaxing, there is something I'm doing now that's sort of cool... though, erm... not very relaxing *shifty* Two neighbors and I have been doing a Couch to 5K program and today is 4 weeks! (never mind we just started the week 2 workout yesterday...) but we've done it 3 days a week from the start and are now doing 6, but alternating the runs with power walks. So I guess I've got that going for me...

What else I've got is a DEADLINE Friday and two other things I intended to polish this month, so I really ought to get cracking. One is making progress, and my agent is currently in the process of moving to Idaho (how's that for irony... that's where I'm from) so she can't do anything with it for a week or so anyway.

A tart in a bath shouldn't cry... (source)
Did I mention I'd really like to be able to breathe? Oh! And eat what I want and still lose weight! I want THAT really bad. Where does one GET one of those?

This whiny baby session brought to you by autumn colds, too many potato chips and one sore butt.

So do you have anything you'd like to whine about?  Go ahead, get it off your chest...


Jan Morrison said...

Yes, and I thank you for the opportunity. Here goes:

We don't have any money and none on the horizon.
I can't lose this last ten pounds even though I'm not eating ANYTHING fun. Doesn't seem right.
I am way behind in filing taxes - years.
that last was so scary to write I can't believe I did it
Our prime minister is a horse's ass and is ruining our country at rate never before attempted.
They forgot to give us summer this year.
We didn't take out any of our boats - two canoes and a row-boat. Didn't have them in the water!!!! The reason I live here!!!!!
Even though I walked Hoagy yesterday, he wants a walk today!!!
Whew. done.
no, not - we're out of yoghurt and I'm not allowed to eat anything else for breakfast.

Cruella Collett said...

Even if I'm still a little annoyed there is no WINE here, I'm gonna go ahead and do a little whine on my own: DITTO. There, that felt good. (Plus I want a job. But whatever.)

Karen Jones Gowen said...

Is it bad to laugh about other people's whining sessions? Because this is really funny! *sorry*

Carol Riggs said...

Whining? Yeah, I hear you on the finances. I've been waiting for my agent to read my revision for 3 MONTHS, waaaaah. I don't have a cold, but I hope you're over yours soon and can BREATHE!! And good for you for working on your weight in positive ways; you should pat yourself on the back for that! Good luck with the running.

Hart Johnson said...

Oh, Jan, very nice whine!

Mari-yes, job searching would add extra suckage...

Karen-It's okay to laugh... better to laugh than cry, eh?

Carol-man, I HATE waiting! That stinks! (and thank you!)

Michael Offutt, Phantom Reader said...

Play the Lotto. People win that just like people get the $2 million book deal. It's all skill, you know?

Unknown said...

I was hoping for WINE also, but this will do...

My oldest two are now teenagers... *dies*
My nieces gave mea cold that turned to bronchitis.
I can't find a house or condo that I can afford.
My apartment is messy but I'm too sick to clean.
Fridge is nearly empty and hubby beds to go food shopping.
My fellow colleague tried to kill me with Lysol. *dies again*
Haven't written a lick in over three months. *dies third time*

Elizabeth Spann Craig said...

Agent is moving to Idaho? Wow! Good luck with that deadline. Whining helps sometimes, I think!

Hart Johnson said...

I LOVE this collective whine! I feel lots better to at least have company in my misery!!!