12 May 2011

26 Ways To (Hopefully) Entice An Agent

I'm bang out of ideas for Delusional Thursday, and while this post should have been written and scheduled by last night at the latest, here I am posting late. My lovely co-Burrowers suggested I post the limericks that I wrote for last month's A-Z Challenge.

So the title says '26 Ways', but I won't subject you to all twenty-six (or twenty-seven if you include the one from the reflections post) limericks, but I will instead offer a small selection. It's been suggested by a couple of people (both readers of my blog and fellow Burrowers) that I should compile all twenty-six limericks and try to get them published. I'm not sure how or even if that would be possible, but it's something to think about.

Oh, and in case you're wondering what this has to do with Delusional Thursday, well, I'm pretty sure the limericks themselves will explain that...

So without further rambling ado, here are half a dozen limericks from the April A-Z. See if you can guess the letter of the alphabet that they are supposed to be based on!



To write to set rules can be tricky,
When counting the words I am picky.
I hope it's not babble,
That makes up my drabble,
With words such as 'clicky' and 'jicky'.
#
Making up words is a must,
When your keyboard decides to go bust.
It's really frustrating
- or make that fwuztwatin
When your 'r' has bitten the dust.
#
What sets your heart rate to thumping?
And gets your blood really pumping?
I'm sure you can guess,
But will you confess,
To a wish for daily humping?
#
The Kair of Diff is a big hit,
Wiv those wot likes alirrle 'bit'.
Oi oi, dunt be dense!
Youknowzitmakezsense!
Join the clarts and the slags, like innit?
#
A limerick is quinquefarious,
With themes that are sometimes nefarious.
Add some odd quotes,
And maybe some goats,
The result will be quite hilarious.
#

Women are oft called inferior
(In spite of their shapely posteriors).
But men have x too
(Though women have two)
Hence women are vastly superior.
#
I'm guessing you get the delusional vibe now...

11 May 2011

Rebel Forces


So, who's signed up for BuNoWriMo? You? Yeah, you in the red shirt? What are you waiting for? Look, I know we're a bunch of certifiable nutcases, but it's a lot of fun. Promise. We've even come up with various "oh crap I really don't think I can do a 50K novel" strategies for people who want to go rebel (who may or may not include yours truly {no really, I haven't decided yet}).

1. A drabble a day for 30 days. For those of you who are really new to the party (yes, you can have cake anyway), a drabble is a 100-word story. No more, no fewer. Last year there was a diary version, a children's tale version, and probably more I didn't know about. It provides discipline and commitment without the massive output expectations.

2. Tag-team it. I'm considering this one; as far as I can tell, the easiest way is to stick your file in Google Docs so everyone participating can access and add to it when it's their turn. 1667 words a day, and who cares who wrote 'em! A cohesive storyline probably helps a bit though.

3. Try to add 50K to a WiP, rather than working from scratch. Need a kick in the rear for a stagnated tale? Or maybe you've got what's turning out to be an 800-page monster *cough*Tami*cough* and just need to make some progress. 50,000 words are 50,000 words, whatever they're part of, after all.

4. Make it up as you go along. Hey, we're easy (errrrm... no, not that way). You won't get beaten with a ruler or even made to stand in the corner if you don't quite make it all the way through - though you might not get the invite to the official winners' party (hey guys? Are we having a party???), any kind of progress beats sitting on your rear end and watching your screensaver cycle again... and again... and again...

No more excuses! Here's the link. Click it. You know you want to. We have cookies. Errrm... somewhere.

Image: Made for me by Joris Ammerlaan

10 May 2011

Topical Tuesday Redux

Oh dear.
A week ago, as you read this, Canadians awoke to a brand new scene. Things had gotten shaken, not stirred, in the federal election. I'm not going to bore you with how Canadian politics work - we don't have the same system as the lower North American one or quite the same as the United Kingdom either. The main thing to understand is that we are a VAAAAAAST nearly empty country. So the popular vote doesn't work - well honestly - nothing quite does.

Despite that you won't hear me complaining that the prime one got a majority of seats without a majority of votes - that's how it all shakes down. And I won't complain that he is the devil incarnate (a phrase that perplexes me in that if the devil isn't embodied (the meaning of incarnate - in flesh) then what kind of devil could he possibly be... but I digress), or that Canada has been sold to the highest bidder. Neither will you hear me say smugly that it is so damn wonderful that the NDP have formed the official opposition. Because, dear readers, it isn't. I am not so secretly pleased that the oh so elite liberals got a good comeuppance but even that statement curls and dies on my lips. I'm not happy about anything to do with this election except one thing. I'm allowed to vote.

I'm allowed to haul my fat socialist ass down to the polling station and without anyone giving me any grief other than to look a little longer than I'd like at my driver's license photo, place my X beside my faint hope. I love voting. Every single time - even when I'm so annoyed that the goons in Ottawa make it happen so often - I dance my vote, I sing my vote, I trance my vote. I suck in the particular old export A smell that still lingers in the long smoke free legion. I rest my eyes on the old dolls that are hired to make sure the lists get crossed off and the new lads with shiny eyes who are helping. I like seeing my neighbours shyly making comments about this and that - careful not to ask about your vote or hint about theirs - and I like folding up the origami sheets after I've shakily made my lost cause X and giving it to the guy or gal who has to tear off the bit of paper that says I did it. Then I push my precious golden vote past the corrugated lip down into the box with all the others. All the other flags of this freedom, this sweet place that lets me whinge and whine and crap on the leaders - who lets me dis them or love them but asks me please to make it real. To exercise my prerogative - to be counted.

No matter how jaded or sad or f***ked up I get about what is happening with our government, please don't let me lose my love affair with voting. And if you live in a democracy, I hope you feel the same, and dance the dance. For it is a precious, precious dance.

09 May 2011

Sample Reading

Ever since I got my Kindle, I've been developing a new reading habit. Or actually, it's a new book buying habit. The free samples you can download has become the single most important factor determining whether I'll end up buying books or not. I've previously argued that this means writers now have to be even more aware of the importance of "the hook", and the "research" I've been doing the last few months supports this view. I've bought only 6 books (though some of these were collected works, so I guess those should count as more than one book each) on my Kindle, but I've downloaded around 50 samples. Thus, today I thought I'd review a random selection of those samples to try to see if there is a common denominator to what makes a Kindle sample appeal to me as a reader. Note - unless otherwise indicated, I've only read the sample for these. In the cases where I've also read the book, this review is still of the sample alone, and not of the book as such.

The Tiger's Wife - Tea Obreht
This sample pulled me in from page one. It starts with a memory - the vivid description of a little girl who has an extraordinary grandfather, a man you - the reader - learn to respect from the very start of the sample, and you can feel the awe of the little girl run through your own veins. The first few pages also makes it evident how important tigers are to the story, but it is the grandfather, and the relationship between him and his granddaughter that brings the story forward.

The sample triggered my interest not only by the promise of an emotional journey with the main character, but also the setting (a post-war Balkan), the voice (through shifting narrators Obreht still managed to shine through her own tone), and the language (hard to believe this is a debutant).

The verdict: You will already have guessed, but this book quickly found it's way into my "Buy" pile. I really liked the rest of the book too, and you can find my review of it here.


Three Stages of Amazement - Carol Edgarian
It's the economy, stupid. Set in today's US (or even more specifically, it starts on New Year's Eve 2008/2009, in California), this is the story of a marriage in deep trouble, trouble that is deeply linked with the burst of the bubble economy that has caused husband Charlie to forget about his wife, Lena. Charlie harbors secrets that might complicate things further, while Lena feels (and is) neglected, being the main caretaker for their children, including preemie and cerebral palsy infant Willa.

The setting intrigued me, and the character descriptions - elaborate, but never forced - made me want to know more. Yet, the sample provides no indication that the plot of this book will be particularly interesting. Charlie's secrets seem to be the only hint - and it is more or less revealed that these secrets are not of the juicy kind. Now, this isn't really a problem - I love a good character-driven book - but often they are of the "slow read" variety, and I find that the Kindle format doesn't do these justice.

Verdict: Since I loved the characters and the writing, I put it on my "Wishlist". But for now I have a feeling it will stay there until I can get my hands on a paper copy.


One Day - David Nicholls
This book had help. I have had it recommended to me by someone I respect, and I've read several favourable reviews. Thus the sample came with expectations. To a certain extent, they were fulfilled.

Again, I like the characters. The two main characters come from different backgrounds, social strata and they have very little in common, other than one night together in celebration of graduation. This night, however, a bond is apparently formed, because they stay in touch for what is apparently the rest of the book.

The rest of the sample illustrated what I've been told is the great strength of the novel - the dialog between these two. The sample didn't really go far enough to make me understand quite what it is they see in each other, but if they continue speaking to one another in this fashion, I believe it might still be worth a try.

Verdict: I put it on my wishlist, but a friend offered to lend it to me (paper copy). I suspect that I'd otherwise wouldn't have gotten back to it in the end.

The Kane Chronicles: The Red Pyramid - Rick Riordan
I've read the Percy Jackson series, and I loved it. When I learned Riordan was writing another series, then, I naturally wanted to check it out.

As far as samples goes, this is a class act. Riordan is an expert of many things - hooks and cliffhangers being one of them. The sample ends with one of the latter, and by the time you reach it you've already had plenty of hooks to pull you in, tightly. It's all good fun like the Percy Jackson books were, though the feel is perhaps slightly younger.

Verdict: I only put it on my wishlist, but this is one of the books there I know I will eventually buy.


Room - Emma Donoghue
At first the narration in this sample bothered me. It's a very young boy, Jack, and there seems to be certain abnormalities with him and his living situation (such as breastfeeding at the age of five). Jack is all alone with his Ma in their Room, and he apparently thinks Room equals the real world. Everything outside of Room is Television, or not real. It took me a while to realize why they were inside Room, and what was going on. The sample ends without properly explaining this, and that was one of the major reasons I wanted to read more. Not a cliffhanger per se, but it had a similar effect.

Verdict: I'm not sure I'm comfortable praising this sample, but it did make me buy the book. And so far (about 30% in) I do like it. But it feels like I bought it for reasons entirely different than what normally makes a good Kindle sample.



As you can see, I didn't include any samples that put me completely off reading the entire book. Why? Well, partly because I've taken to deleting samples I don't like, and thus they are not available on my Kindle anymore. Secondly, though, I guess I am unwilling to unfavourably review a book based on a sample alone. I do think it is important to capture the reader from the start if you are to use the Kindle sample function to successfully promote your book. BUT, not all books are best from the begining. Some books take longer than other to get into. Some require a different pacing than what the Kindle makes me feel is appropriate (though I might be the only one who feels a Kindle is reserved mainly for fast-paced reading?). Some books are best read in the bathtub (which is NOT recommendable with en electronic device...). I think it's a shame if the world of books were limited to books that make for good free samples on the Kindle.

06 May 2011

Diagnosis: FOMS

So if I have a defining quality, it is that I don't quit... ANYTHING... (except the diet, but never mind)... I just keep ADDING stuff. In college I started out a psych major... but I knew a bachelor's degree in psychology is mostly nothing more than management training... so there was a girl across the hall who was pre-journalism and I though... well I love to WRITE—that's cool... so I added a journalism major... then my junior year I was looking at requirements and noticed to get a business minor, I only needed about 4 extra classes... so I added THAT...

See... that's sort of just how I roll. I am too stubborn to QUIT, but unable to resist some NEW thing...


I could go back further. In high school I was on a varsity sports team for 4 years (gymnastics), part of student council, I got good grades (a 3.7 in the end)... but I never missed a party... All the stuff I WAS supposed to do... and all the stuff I WASN'T.

I heard a radio interview on Diane Rehm many years ago (before I was writing) and the woman interviewed (I wish I could remember who) defined the term... she had it herself... FOMS: Fear of Missing Something. And you know... I never missed school... never missed a dance... never missed a sporting event... that is TOTALLY me—if something happened and I wasn't THERE, I would have MISSED it!


So What Does this Mean for Writing?

Uber-participation of course... Blog event, Writing event... promoting event... Just to give you an idea of the things I seem to always do:


NaBloWriMo

National Blog Writing Month: This was my first group blog event (in 2009)... in October, the month BEFORE NaNoWriMo, there is an event to blog EVERY day for a month... Yeah... did it once... which means I will do it ever after... that's how I roll...


NaNoWriMo

National Novel Writing Month: This happens every November. 2009 was my first year for THIS, too. And I will do it forever...  And I have won, every time I've done it... I am not just a signer-upper... I'm a doer...


ABNA

The Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Contest: This occurs at the end of January. Amazon accepts 10,000 novels, which a monthly elimination. In 2010, I got cut at the pitch stage (with Confluence, which admittedly needs a rewrite and is very hard to pitch). This year, I am in the semi-finals with Kahlotus Disposal Site because... here's the thing... if you do the same event a second time, there is a chance to LEARN from the first time.

I TOTALLY endorse the Amazon process. Not only have I met fabulous writers who rock, I've learned some tricks to the pitch, the importance of the first few chapters, and the HUGE value to having a unique CONCEPT.  This is great prep for the actual process of trying to get an agent and publishing.



Blogging A to Z

This is an April event where we blog every day but Sunday and make our way through the alphabet. I currently blog all weekdays, so it was only an addition of Saturday, but GETTING AROUND (who EVER would have suspected I'd have trouble getting around?)--but there were almost 1300 participants... NUTS!


And FINALLY BuNoWriMo

You heard me... The BURROW has a writing month nearly exactly like NaNoWriMo, but OURS! We had great luck last year and are doing it again. Last year, THIS was the time I wrote Kahlotus Disposal Site (my ABNA book)--it is perfect timing to write a book that ends up CLEAN by January. (unless you have competing deadlines... which I do...


Because additionally, I have a book contract for Cozy Mystery, which is challenging my ability to juggle all these events I can't give up... But I WILL!!!


So if I can juggle all that, SURELY you trust me to rule the world? The Naked World Domination movement is alive and well and NEEDS YOU!!!

So there you have it...

If you'd like to be manic, insane, and overcommitted like me, your next opportunity is in June. You can find out the details Here or Here, and or you can just dive in without knowing what's going on Here. (no formal invite necessary--just join the group)

05 May 2011

Delusional Thursday: Monkeys with Typewriters

It's a well-known adage than an infinite number of monkeys working on an infinite number of typewriters will eventually produce the collective works of William Shakespeare. This is mostly true, and immediately poses several interesting questions.

First question: Is any experiment along these lines plausible?
Yes, indeed! Accessing the production of such monkeys is a simple matter of inducing a readable quantum probability variance. You can easily find instructions on the web.

Second question: Then it's been done?
Well... getting the monkeys and typewriters is the easy part. But they also produce infinite gibberish, which means the real challenge is coming up with a selection algorithm to pick out their more interesting writings. My own algorithm will remain proprietary, but I'm not the only one who's attempted this, as you will see later.

Third question: Is 'infinity' a number?
It is not. The adage should read "infinite monkeys". Furthermore, they should have exactly one typewriter each to spare us from requiring the axiom of choice, which, though useful, has its share of problems.

Fourth question: Is this blog going to turn into a bunch of esoteric rambling about the nature of infinity?
No, just one more little tidbit.

Fifth question: Then can we please get that over with?
Infinity comes in several sizes (more properly described as 'cardinality'). For example, there are infinite whole numbers (...-3, -2, -1, 0, 1, 2, 3...), but mathematicians can prove that there are even more real numbers. To do the experiment properly, you want the "big" infinity. This is obtained by specifying the ratio of langurs, mangabeys, and macaques as Ï€ to e to √2. Also, note that I use only monkeys (chimpanzees, bonobos, and orangutans are great apes).

This worked. Sort of. I've been sifting through monkey-work for several months, and here are some results:


Typist uxw28cs0923kld:
Two trees, or not two trees? That is the question. Whether is nobler in the limb to suffer the competition in the fig, or to clench jaws against a tree of troubles, and by leaping, avoid them. To leap: to grasp; and by a grasp, we say to grab the next tree and escape the fig; 'tis a good move, devoutly to be wished. To grasp, perchance to slip. Aye, there's the rub that makes calamity such a long day. For in that slip of grip, what tumble may come when we have shuffled off this weaken'd branch must give us pause...

Nice work, uxw28cs0923kld. But your monkey-ness is obviously showing through.


Typist 7sdflk2398szcv:
Bin Laden is hiding in Pakistan, in an isolated, secure compound, but with minimal guard. He can be taken by...

Yeah, yeah, I ignored it. What was I supposed to think? Another monkey wrote that I'd left my keys in my car, when, in fact, they were in my pocket the whole time.


Typist mpx82vkls20cvx:
I'm not your typewriter-[obscenity]. Why don't you suck my big monkey [obscenity] you [obscenity] aero-[obscenity]? I ought to take this typewriter, [obscenity] it with a banana, and [obscenity] both into your soft, wet [obscenity] [obscenity].

Alas, this should come as no surprise. Given infinite monkeys, some will spontaneously evolve enough intelligence to type out their own thoughts. My apologies, mpx82vkls20cvx. But I didn't create the you, I merely accessed an existing quantum probability variance.


Typist uxw28cs0923kle:
Two tress, or not twotrees? That is the queisotnj. Whether is nobler int he limg tot suufefr competitnhign in the fig, or tos clchenh jaws. agianst a tree of troubnles, and by leaping ovoid them...

Observe the typist's designation, uxw28cs0923kle. He was obviously sitting right next to uxw28cs0923kld and copying her work.


Typist p23cd89aoixc78:
jklcxnm8923'][.ads God is watching, Jason! Repent, repent! as][;df97c.xvnbweJKC]P 27FDJKL>>>>DS8aDKSF6`

I've included the surrounding gibberish because I want you to realize my position, here. Is this supposed to be a divine message? If so, then frankly, the instructions stink. Repent how? Which God/religion/code am I supposed to embrace? Stupid monkey.


Typist 99cxn176chui7s:
A local department store introduces a new line of lingerie. Shocking pictures at eleven!

Some ordinary household cleaning products are actually poisonous! Find out which ones at eleven!

Dozens of registered sex offenders live right here in Klaxon County. Is there one in your neighborhood? We show you a map at eleven!

Does the IRS owe you an even bigger refund? Is there an oil well in your backyard? Or maybe a lump of gold in your basement? Find out at eleven!

As I said earlier, I'm not the only one who's been accessing this particular probability variance. 99cxn176chui7s writes good copy-- for a monkey, anyway.


Cheers,
Jason

04 May 2011

Lessons from the A to Z blogging Challenge

On Arithmetic
A lot of you probably know that I run (and those of you who don't - now you do). Unlike my fellow running burrowers (Hart and Leanne), however, I started running only when I was well into my late 30s. Though I love running, I am not particularly fast, even after making allowances for my age and the fact that I started late. But what I lack in speed, I make up in tenacity - if I start something, I finish it, somehow.

Which was what I did during my first (and only) full marathon. Less than six months before the race, my hypothyroidism had been diagnosed, and I had subsequently gone through a hysterectomy. A couple of weeks before the race, I had fallen ill again, and was struggling to even climb stairs. And yet, come race day, I pinned up my bib, laced up my running shoes, and lined up with three thousand others at the start line. Less than mid-way into the race, I realised I could either keep running, or finish the race - I couldn't do both. I chose to start walking. Two-thirds into the race, the road was thrown open to traffic, and I got off the road and onto the pavement. People all around me dropped out, but my feet took on a life of their own and refused to stop till I crossed the finish line.

On Bucket lists
This year's A to Z Challenge was no different from my first full marathon. My life was spiraling out of control when I signed up for it, but I hoped I would get some order into it by April. In the second half of March, I was thinking of taking a sabbatical from blogdom, because I could just not manage all the things that I was required to do. But before I could formally announce by break, April was upon me, and I decided to write a drabble "On Arithmetic", and take every day as it came. On April 2, I had no idea what I was going to write about, and wasn't even planning to push myself to think of an appropriate B post- but out of nowhere, a drabble "On Bucket lists" floated into my brain, and almost wrote itself.

The rest of the month was no different. On most days, till lunch-time I would not have any idea what I was going to write about, but by evening, an idea would germinate, and the drabble would get written. Twenty-six non-Sunday days, twenty-six drabbles. None pre-scheduled. All posted before dinnertime. Almost all of them exactly 100 words on first attempt.

On Zero
It was only when I reflected on it after the month was over that I realised the magnitude of what I had accomplished. For no reason other than sheer necessity, I had converted myself into a reliable drabble machine. Whether it was an internal editor at work, or a writer who had exactly understood her brief, it was almost incredible that the first draft was always between 97 and 106 words long, and those few words took only a minute or two to get added or subtracted (or both simultaneously).

Which only goes to show that writing is a skill like any other, and practice does make you get better and better at it. If I could do it for the A to Z Challenge, I wonder why I can't do it otherwise. Maybe I just have to force myself into a chair for half an hour a day, Everyday!