I decided that I would be brutally honest today. Brutally. Honest. I am sure I'm not alone in having two sides, especially on the blog and off of it. Or in front of people who we aren't sure have our back. Or those that do and have enough of their own misery not to need any more of it. Especially writerly misery, which is of a very certain, and some might say, self-indulgent sort.
This year, with my writing, I've been a Charlie Brown. And the community I've looked to for support has been a Lucy. I've entered various challenges, contests, etc... and always with a cheerful optimistic outlook. But each time I've come up a chump. I've run forward, ready to kick that football, and lo and behold, each and every time it has been snatched away. Oh, don't worry, I'm not seriously deluded. I know that no one is doing this to me. The thing is I've been behind the magician's curtain in many of these instances. I know how the thing works. I've laboured to choose among many bad and several good entries, or sat on boards that decide who is going to get to breath financially for a bit and who will have to keep on keeping on. And I have found it profoundly hard this year to write through rejection. Perhaps it is because I've also been writing through dejection - my dad died, we had a sudden and horrible reversal of fortune, grandchildren woes and on and on.
I'm not going to leave the story there - how mean would that be? But from time to time I realize that my bloggy persona is one cheery broad - a let's just whistle a tune as we walk through the graveyard sort. And I don't feel like trotting that ego-state out today. I will say what has worked for me and continues to - the support of writing pals. In particular, my writing pal Gwen lifts me up when I am down and I in turn do that for her. Not even my dearest guy can get the depth of writing hell but Gwen can. I also know my fellow Burrowers can do the same. We've shared some of the worst and the load has been the lighter for it.
So, if you are writing through rejection and dejection find yourself a writing pal - as soon as ever you can - whether it is in the flesh or on the web - do it.